Jane Snippets
Posted in fabric on 12/24/2009 10:14 am by admin| Account limit of 2000 requests per hour exceeded. |
Do you like my story? be honest please?
This is a snippet of it.. does it draw you in and what do you like, not like about it?
As a child did you have a safety net and how would you have felt if your safety was in danger?
Well, that's what happened to Jane doe, a 13 year old girl from a small town called Les. Jane came from a loving home where she always felt safe, but on one fateful day her life was changed forever.
On one afternoon while Jane walked home from school, she encountered a man who claimed to be homeless. when jane reached into her school bag to give him change, he grabbed her by the hand and shoved her into his old car.
While Jane lay in the boot of the car, her life flashed before her. she wondered if she would die or survive.
The man takes her into his home and keeps her there for years. Her life is left in the balance.
will she ever get out and how will she gain back the safety net she once knew?
It doesn't draw me in at all, sorry but it's not well written whatsoever.
A plot outline shouldn't end with a question, the terms 'one fateful day', 'life left in the balance' they are so over used and cliched.
Also, safety net, that's like a fall back position, it implies something extra to keep her safe if something went wrong, not that she had a safe life to begin with.
I would recommend that you read a lot more, a LOT more, and from very varied genres too, pay attention to how writers express ideas and, in your own words - draw you in.
The idea itself has a small amount of promise, if you had a very clear idea of what happens to the girl - even if she never escapes you have to have the how and why of that very clear in your head and actually say so, or looks like part of an idea, not a whole one.
Keep trying.
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